Ew, right? How pretentious is that tagline? SPOILER ALERT! I hate most attempts to modernize Shakespeare. Not all, but most. I got kicked out of Romeo + Juliet when I was a senior in high school for swearing too loudly in the theatre.So, this is a re-telling of the Romeo and Juliet story, but in this one Juliet is a slutty psycho man stealer and Rosaline is the victim. You know Rosaline, the one Romeo was trying to see when he met Juliet (because he was kind of a fickle man-whore)? I have my own problems with the Bard’s story itself, but this was way worse.Rose and Rob (Caplet and Monteg) have been next door neighbours for most of their lives. They’ve been best friends forever, but it’s senior year and the time has finally come for them to put the moves on each other. Rose is one of the mean popular girls at their high school (which is another converted mansion, btw) and her best friends are dating Rob’s best friends. Things would be, like, totes perfect if the girl circle was all dating the boy circle for their last year, right? Right.Rose and Rob go on one real date and share one real kiss. Two days into senior year, Rose’s cousin Juliet comes back into town. They haven’t seen each other since they were seven. There was some kind of falling out between their parents before Juliet’s dad ran for the senate or something and Rose’s last memory of hanging out with Juliet was of her cousin snapping the head off of the Barbie Rose had just received for Christmas.From that, we’re supposed to understand that Juliet has always been a jealous bitch.First dance of the year! Rob and Rose can make their debut as a couple, right? Wrong. Juliet cons her way into getting Rob to take her and Rose has to go with the girls. [sad face] That night, Juliet is all up on Rob’s jock and Rose sees them making out and goes into a super depressed state.BUT WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! OH NOEZ, MY LIFE IS OVER!!!!1!!111[sigh]Read the rest at Trashy Tuesday.